When ‘No’ Means ‘Let’s Start Talking’: The Game-Changer in Negotiation

I learned something very interesting from the book “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss. He used to be an FBI negotiator, and he taught me that in negotiations, “No” is not bad, but actually the point when the real conversation starts. We usually think that getting a “Yes” is a win, but it’s not always that simple.

Voss talks about three kinds of “Yes”:

1. The “fake yes” — This is when the other person pretends to agree just to end the conversation or to make you stop asking questions.
2. The “just saying yes” — This is when someone agrees, but they don’t really mean they will do anything. It’s like a nod.
3. The “real yes” — This is the agreement we want, where the person really means it and will act on it. But this one is hard to get.

Now, let’s talk about “No”. When someone says “No,” they are actually telling you what they don’t want. It gives you important information. For example, if I’m trying to make a deal and the other person says “No” to something, instead of giving up, I can ask, “What’s the problem with this for you?” This way, they can tell me what they don’t like, and I can understand better and find a solution.